Already Lost

I already lost.

I feel like I have been walking around and around the same issues and the same points without getting anywhere.

And now I am sitting in front of 3 notebooks that I have tried to write in, one of which has so many bits from other writings, other unfinished things that I am now nowhere.

Literally no-one.

I wanted to start by getting her to the castle.

And I did that. I got her to the castle by an indirect route which explained why she had to go back and what was holding her back and she arrived there, via a friends home and a quick glance at the mountains (which will figure significantly later on) and then she had her speech with the now king, the necessary comparisons were made, and then it was to bed.

But I lost her in the palace walls as she walked past the portraits of her family and towards her room for the night and as she walked down the candlelight halls, her memory went backwards to unhappier times.

And then I begin to get lost.

It was always a case with this tale that the mother was the evil one and the father the good one. And this made some sense because things became worse for her after her father died.

But, as you will read earlier, there was an shift in that perception. I thought that it was too black and white and that the child that began to write this could not have seen beyond that clear cut.

And it must have been something subconscious as my father and I did not have a very good relationship, so creating a perfect father would have been something the younger wanted.

Experience shows you that it not the case. And now I want the father figure to have his faults and for the mother to have her woes.

It all started in the car. I was stuck at the lights and I often think of stories in the car, But this time I was just generally thinking that I had been lazy and not writing her or actual writing; and a line came into my head.

Sometimes words are spoken in your head that are not in your own voice. It's almost as if this character that you have created suddenly stands up,looks you in the eye and says something so profound that defines their character beyond what you have written that you barely believe that the words came out of you own mind.

For me and my princess it was 6 small words

"I'm glad my mother found love" and in a heartbeat some many things changed,

In those changes I got lost. And now I am not sure how to get back or, indeed, whether I should.