To Much Change = Chaos

When I started this blog it was to enable me to order my thoughts and develop my novel into some with an element of maturity that I had hoped would be the novel I was alway meant to write. But that hasn't happened the way that I wanted.

And suddenly I am so lost that I hardly know my way back to my original characters and story. The evil mother and queen is suddenly a woman forced to marry a man who ultimately abused and controlled her. And the king is only a loving father sometimes, and in other moments he is a beast of a man that no-one would want as a husband or a father. He is the twist in the tale. And I can accept that. I can accept that this fairy story family that I envisioned when I was young where everything is good or bad, black or white. A tale where you know who is the one you should be routing for or hissing at.

A pantomime.

A bedtime story where everything ends well as if it did not you would not be able to sleep.

My changes are now so dramatic that I have descended into chaos and I no longer know who they all are.

'I am glad my mother found love' is the sentence that started me on this dark path. Her mother who she thought had never loved her, had married again and was happy.

Its confusing me. I thought I knew the players here.

But maybe it is good that I have reached this point as not only have I developed my own maturity in this writing but also developing the princess' maturity. The young girl who hated her mother has now grown into a woman who understands that relationships can be complicated and that we all deserve the best that life can offer.

Our perception of things when we are younger is simple because our lives are simply. Someone takes care of us and the friendships we haven't had the trials of lack of funds or time and space.

I am not the girl that was scribbling this story in torqouise ink in the booth of the college liabrary. I am a woman who has the experience of an less than simple life and a sees through different eyes.

And now I need to adjust my eyes on this story. I can develop it without straying too far from the path and too much from the tale.

We are not the same people to everyone. We put oil a facade and adapt to the people we are with.

So the mother can behave in a way to her daughter that appears to be evil when he intent is far from that.

So I can sit quietly and form a kind order from this chaos.